Ramblings from a Twisted Mind: Slang

by SaskMusic

August 4, 2009 in Humour/Commentary

If there's one thing musicians are famous for, it's their colourful slang...the words which really prove you're a member of the brother- and sister-hood of musicianship. I'd like to celebrate a few of those special words in this column.
  1. Vok: guy who approaches you after your gig and gives you a tape of his band's music, because he figures you must know someone who knows someone...or know someone who knows someone who does.
  2. Kesnarrgled: beyond all hope of repair. Used mainly to describe gear. Example: "My amp is, like, totally kesnarrgled from when the bass player whizzed on it."
  3. Garfless: having strangely inconsistent musical tastes. Example: "Bob's two favourite artists are Eminem and Paul Anka." "Wow. Bob's really garfless."
  4. Free-tweaker: one who borrows your gear during a jam session and proceeds to completely re-adjust your drum kit/amp/pedals for one three-minute song.
  5. Inkjet: drunken fan who requests that you sign various body parts in Jiffy marker...and will inevitably regret it the next day.
  6. Gendermussed: the fan who insists that your female lead singer must know some AC/DC, or that your male singer should be able to pull off a Martina McBride tune.
  7. Dwebzert: music humour columnist who makes up fake slang terms in the hopes that someone will think they're real.

The Prairie Music Awards are coming soon, and you're nervous. What if you win the coveted Best Haircut award and find yourself at the podium with nothing to say?

The truth is, it doesn't matter what you say. You've won an award. They really like you. Anything you come up with will be fine - as long as you DO NOT say the following five things:

Wow - I haven't won anything since my mom gave me five bucks to stop wetting the bed. And that was over a year ago.
Who knew you could buy a whole panel of judges with one KFC MegaMeal?
I'd like to thank my dark lord, Satan.
It's time to revitalize the grand tradition of awards show streaking...let me kick things off.
Holy %&*#!
Whatever you say, don't forget to thank Twisted Girl. After all, could you have done it without me?

Originally published August 2001.

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