Ramblings from a Twisted Mind: Image

by SaskMusic

August 4, 2009 in Humour/Commentary

"The bass player is the loser of the band. If you don't believe me, take a look at the one you're with."
- Kevin MacDonald

"I'm experimenting with using a second string."
- Saskatchewan bass player (name withheld)

You bass players have got to do something about your reputations. I don't think I'm wrong when I say you get picked on...and I don't think it's fair.

Maybe it's the string thing. Maybe it's hard to get respect when you just don't have as many strings. Of course, by this reasoning, zither players would get more respect than guitar players, so that's another theory shot to pieces.

It could have something to do with the general lack of bass guitars being smashed against amps during the '60s and '70s. On-stage mayhem does a lot for an instrument's reputation. I don't think anyone really respected the piano until Jerry Lee Lewis set one on fire. With that in mind, I have a great idea which will instantly make bass players the coolest part of any band. All of you should take up the double bass.

Many years ago, I saw the Razorbacks perform at Louis' in Saskatoon. That double bass player did more damage to his surroundings than the rest of the band combined. The next morning, the pub had to bring someone in to replace the ceiling tiles.

Did people respect that bass player? You bet they did. They knew they'd better respect him. Nothing says "respect me" like an instrument which, if swung properly, could level a crowd. Yes, that bass player put on quite a show. At one point he set the bass on its side and told us it looked like a woman, which I guess it sort of did. Still, it seemed pretty kinky when he... Actually, you know what? Ignore what I said about the double bass.

Being cool is overrated. Just keep your regular bass guitar, maybe wrap a few extra strings around the neck for the sake of appearances. You'll be fine.

I have to go now. I have a gig, and I want to test a theory. I'm going to pour gasoline over a zither and light 'er up. I figure, no matter what happens, everybody wins.



Originally published June/July 2001.

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