Ramblings from a Twisted Mind: Unusual Sounds

by SaskMusic

August 4, 2009 in Humour/Commentary

Your lead singer has an unhealthy obsession with Zamfir. That's a problem in and of itself, but now he insists that you add pan flute to the song you're currently recording.

The keyboardist has something called "pan flute" on his sound module. Unfortunately, it sounds like a sparrow that's just hit a windowpane.

No question about it - you'll need a session player.

Your local symphony, folk music associations...these are fine places to find musicians who play unusual instruments. The hard part is affording the perfect session player. I've found, however, that session players can be very affordable if you memorize this phrase:

"Excuse me...does this smell like chloroform to you?"

Granted, a session player who's been slipped a mickey and taken to the studio in the back of your van (which, let's face it, is a disgusting place) isn't too likely to want to play for you. Still, it's not hard to convince a musician to play. Just tell them how much you admire their work. Tell them they've inspired your own music. Then tell them they can't have dinner until they've laid down the track.

If this sounds like too much trouble, you could always hire me to stand in front of a microphone and do my impression of a pan flute. I'm not saying I'm any good, but I'm willing to work for a bag of Doritosç and a Big Gulp©.

Think about it...but don't take too long. My rate could go up to a Super Big Gulp© at any time.

- Twisted Girl

Disclaimer: Just in case you have no sense of humour, please be aware that SaskMusic does not actually advocate the practice of not paying your session players...(Twisted Girl is not a SaskMusic staff person, and we're not sure exactly who she is...)

Originally published December 2000.

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