Ramblings from a Twisted Mind: A Good Guard Dog?

by SaskMusic

August 4, 2009 in Humour/Commentary

If you have a home studio or a lot of gear, you want to protect that property. You could buy insurance through a musicians' group. You could ask the police how to burglar-proof your home. Or, you could do what Bill does. Bill is the owner of Crazy Bill's Recording Studio and Urine Analysis*, and he was happy to share his home security tips.

Bill: Any studio owner will say the first line of defense is razor wire.

Twisted Girl: A fence with razor wire at the top? Isn't that a little much for a suburban neighbourhood?

B: That's why I opted for coils of razor wire strung along the ground. It's more attractive, and it's my way of warning people about the landmines.

TG: Landmines? Is that legal?

B: As long as nobody trespasses, no one will ever have to know about them.

TG: What happens if someone does break in?

B: I stand guard over this equipment 24 hours a day, prepared to defend it with a fantastic collection of ninja weapons.

TG: You have to sleep sometime.

B: You'd be surprised what happens when you chase raw coffee grounds with Jolt™. I've been awake since 1985. I dare people to break into my house. I'm ready. I'm waiting. Bring it on.

Although Bill hasn't actually recorded anything in over 15 years, his gear will always be there - and isn't that the important thing?

*name changed for legal reasons

Originally published June 2000.

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