Ramblings from a Twisted Mind: From a Twisted Mind

by SaskMusic

August 26, 2013 in Humour/Commentary

If you have vertically-challenged friends, you may have heard them say they can save money by buying children’s clothing. You may also have heard them choke back tears while saying it, but that’s not relevant right now. What’s important is that you can apply the same strategy to musical instruments - save big by buying small.
Before you scoff, consider this: a number of successful acts, from alternative rockers Self to ‘80s kiddie instrument pioneers Pianosaurus, have released albums played entirely with instruments designed for children.
I’ve done an exhaustive...well, exhausting...search of the internet and found some good buys for adult musicians who are light of wallet and young at heart.
1. The Disney Princess Music Magic Royal Rhythm 5-Piece Percussion Pack. If you have any breath left after asking for the product by name, you’ll ooh and aah over the ribbon-festooned beauty of this collection, which comes in bubble gum pink and offers a heart-shaped tambourine, maracas, a bell, and an “electronic bongo.” The set recommends inviting your friends to play. You should. You only have two hands, after all, and sharing is good.
2. The colour theme continues with the cleverly named Baby Grand Piano, which is a grand piano scaled down for babies and painted in a Liberace-approved glossy pink...though there’s also a black version for miserable, hopeless children with no sense of flair.
3. Sing ‘N’ Jam Platform. So many products make you choose between singing and jamming. Sing ‘N’ Jam lets you sing, jam, and discover a susceptibility to migraines at the same time. Disco lights flash while you sing. When you’re done, artificial crowd sounds soothe your desperate need to be liked. The mic comes up to the waist of the average adult, so you’ll get a yoga workout on top of everything else.
4. Child Prodigy Children’s Toy Accordion. Even if you don’t want this instrument for yourself, keep it in mind as a gift for your nieces and nephews. There’s no better way to say “thank you” to the sister who hogged the bathroom for days or the brother who put worms down your shirt. Every time they hear their children playing with this toy, they’re sure to think of you.
There are many deeply astounding musical toys out there, so remember: if you’re looking to save money this year, making Toys ‘R’ Us your first stop for gear could be the solution.

- Twisted Girl